Volleyball Coaching Life-The Volleyball Coaching Family

Earlier this week something happened within the world of collegiate volleyball coaching that was significant. Everyone knows or have heard tidbits of what happened, but I will briefly describe what happened in a nutshell.

A recruiting service owner send out an email to all of the Division I coaches, there were over 350 people on that list. In this email the recruiting service owner joked on the profile of one of his customers, a 16-year-old recruit that had paid his company. The joke was not particularly overt or funny, but it was racist and extremely offensive, especially to Asian Americans. Of which I am one.

What would possess a middle-aged businessman to send something like that out to all the potential or present customers for his service is beyond me. It is risky, especially given what is going on in society today, and more importantly, it revealed his ignorance, privilege, and lack of character.

What I do want to talk about is the response of the Division 1 head coaches that were on the email list. I saw some of the emails responses from those coaches, and they were directed bluntly and honestly at the recruiting service owner. They were unconstrained and honest in their response. Many mocked him, many put their foot down by declaring: we don't want to deal with somebody like you anymore, so they cancelled their subscription. Many coaches pointed out the fact that he had written he unfunny little joke on the profile of a 16-year-old girl whom he is representing, and as leaders in the sport, we should set a much better example, be a better role model than what was represented by the comment. We should always strive to do better.

The first response that I had read came from a coach who I know and I respect. He is a coach of a highly placed team in the collegiate ranks. He is at the top of his profession and he didn't need to step up and say the things he did but I am glad that he did because knowing him, he felt like he needed to step up to his own moral standards. He was unequivocal in his condemnation of this man's comments. He demonstrated his leadership at that critical moment. He knew that he was exposing himself to all the other head coaches in the Division 1ranks.  He chose to make a statement, he took a step forward and did not just stand in place, and he told the world of collegiate volleyball coaching that this kind of behavior is not acceptable.

It was a very bold move in my estimation because this was not a preplanned, professionally produced video or a well-crafted written statement coming from the keyboards of some well-oiled publicity machine. The was not a calculated statement on black lives matter, filtered and edited by the legal sharks and intentionally tuned to not offend anyone, to deliberately leave no skin in the game. This was a visceral and genuine reaction. He very clearly told the man: you should not have gone there. Even though he did not threaten to punitively punish those recruits who had signed up with this company, he did clearly state that the relationship has changed for the worst, if not been destroyed. To make that statement took a fortitude that most people in this age of spin doctoring and obsequious cowering would not even consider.

I was also happy to see that he was not the only one who stood up to be counted. Many Division 1 coaches tweeted their disgust at the recruiting service and they said plainly that this is unacceptable. There were enough Division 1 coaches who responded by canceling their subscription that the owner apologized en masse. Unfortunately he had already defended himself multiple times in private emails to the chain of coaches, saying that: I was just joking, I was having a bad day, and I still believe in what I said I just said it in a bad way: it was a no apology apology. The usual public: I'm sorry that you felt bad about what I said but I'm not sorry that I said it statement. Which is typical of many of the weasels who populate that business. After having been called out many times, and after seeing his business suffer catastrophically, he finally relented and wrote a very contrite and sincere sounding apology. He decided to step down from his own company in deference to bringing in someone else to run his company, someone less reactionary and supposedly more ‘woke’. I am reserving judgment, they need to show me. Walk the walk.

Getting back to the coaches, even though I was not privy to all of the exploding email chain that resulted from the incidence - so I don't know exactly what all these coaches said ˗ I do know that there were enough cancellations to make this man panic and resign. Assuming the best of fellow coaches, I am proud of the volleyball coaching community, actually it is an even more intimate relationship. I would say we are a volleyball coaching family. As a minority person in this volleyball coaching family, I have always been made comfortably welcomed and felt a part of that community. I still wonder, in the deep recesses of my mind, however, whether I had the right to have that peace of mind, or I would wonder whether I was being a fool for believing that this was indeed a family.

I've been at coaching for a little over 20 years and I've always felt that way, there has never been any overt statements being made or actions being taken regarding my minority status, but I have always been on guard and prepared to respond in case something happened to change. The unity and immediate response shown by the Division 1 coaches made me that much more comfortable with my assumptions, even though I am still on guard, it is a bad habit, a survival instinct driven habit.

This instance, in the greater scheme of things, does not mean much, but it meant everything symbolically to everybody that is involved with volleyball, it meant the world to me. It made me feel comforted that my fellow coaches stood up and acted, swiftly and decisively. It made me feel proud that we are all a part of a family that is willing to uphold the highest moral and ethical standards in doing what we do: teach and lead the future generations.

I now send a message to the Division 1 coaches who were so vocal in doing the right thing. To quote Jack Buck, former St. Louis Cardinal announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, I am standing, and I am applauding you.

Appreciation-I have come to praise John Kessel

Much unlike Marc Anthony.

As the news spread about our friend John Kessel’s sudden and unexpected retirement from USA Volleyball, the global world of volleyball was put in shock. The suddenness with which he was retired and the unceremonious way the news of his departure was released was, to say the least, disconcerting. Incredibly, it is John, ever the optimist, who has turned cheerleader for his friends, and reassured us into celebrating his future path because he is just that kind of person.

I shall hold true to my intent in this essay and be positive about our friend’s retirement. He certainly deserves to go sit by the lake in Bison Peak Lodge at Puma Hill with a line in the water and peacefully enjoying his retirement life. Although I must say that I get a chuckle out of the vision of John being tranquil and just sitting. The man is incapable of leisure.

My friendship with John started many years ago. I actually first saw John but did not actually meet John at the time. It was on the volleyball court of course; he was playing for the Denver Comets of the International Volleyball Association. I was sitting in the stands, a 17-year-old fat kid being astounded by the game and by the athleticism, wanting desperately to play like those who were playing in front of me. Over time John and I have talked about this and we both would marvel at the serendipity of both of us being in the same space at the same time.

The actual first time we met was many years later, I was a gradual student and I had started playing pickup volleyball as a diversion from engineering. I was not very good at the game, I wanted to get better. I saw a brochure for Gold Medal players clinic. This is not the Gold Medal Squared clinics, this is way before that time. Gold Medal Clinics targeted volleyball player wannabes who would sign up for a weekend of training and playing. The staff is usually stellar, consisting of a lot of college coaches and former players. I decided to go, paid for it on a gradual student salary.

It was well worth it, and it was also a fortuitous decision, because I was coached by John, and he was, in my humble opinion, the best coach for a short fat wannabe volleyball player.  He was very patient; he appreciated the love of the game from our unruly lot. It was in Dallas TX, a bunch middle aged guys on this court.  John ran us through some drills, he got us to play some games. Indeed, this is the first time that I became acquainted with the drill morbidly named “The Pit”. It was John who administered the beating that was The Pit to me. Afterwards we were all sweaty as the air conditioning was terrible and John had put us all through a workout. We were hot, hungry, and thirsty. This being Dallas, we hit the closest decent Tex-Mex place we can find. This is where we made the connection about the Comets. Many margaritas later, we were still talking about it. As a side note, that was also the night I discovered that John Kessel is the guy who has a bottomless stomach. The Tex-Mex food was great and plentiful and he just kept eating and eating and eating. You need to realize that as a fat Chinese guy who could put away food by his own right, watching the skinny older guy out eat him was not just shocking but unprecedented. The respect grew from there.

We kept in touch after that, exchanging occasional emails and I added him to my annual letter list. After I figured out that I was too old, too short, and too fat to do anything near proficiency with volleyball, even though I love playing pickup, I became happily sidetracked into coaching. Coaching became an addiction. I initially started learning about coaching because I wanted to be better as a player, but my playing got to the point where I reached my saturation point.  You just can't outrun your own genetics, lack of height, and an overabundance of weight; this was when I got in contact with John.  We have had many happy conversations over much food and libations. He was never too busy to answer my emails or answer my phone calls. He always made time. He also added me to his glorious email list, it was like gold.  The volume of emails was intense and the topics were broad ranging, he would occasionally throw in things that he was just trying out. I got better as a coach by the proximity to his broad base of knowledge. He surprised me with his generosity of time and attention, he challenged me in my thinking regarding the status quo. Ask the question: Why? Enough times and people will run out of answers. He encouraged me to look for my own answers, even though I was not trained in sports, coaching, kinesthetics, psychology, or any of the related areas. My first step towards being a generalist.

I would say that my two top volleyball mentors never actually mentored me. They led by example and I learned from watching them lead. I watched John coaching the coaches as I watched my other mentor, Teri Clemens, coach her Bears, as I lived in Saint Louis during her dominance of Division Three volleyball.

One of my most favorite volleyball coaching memories was when the Gateway Region sponsored a CAP clinic for both CAP I and CAP II. It was at Nerinx Hall high school in Webster Groves Mo. John Kessel and Teri Clemens made up of two thirds of the cadre, a happy convergence of fortuity. It was an incredible experience of learning. They made us think, learn, and laugh our asses off . Between John and Teri we had no chance of getting bored, or taking ourselves seriously. That was probably the best coaching clinic atmosphere I have ever been in. It was also meaningful for me for the obvious reasons.

As I was coaching club volleyball, I'd see John occasionally at the qualifiers, Junior Nationals, and the AVCA convention. We would talk and catch up, but I always knew that this time together with my friends was precious. We exchanged ideas and good reads and grew our knowledge. I also had a hard time catching up with the John’s very catholic taste in interesting topics. I believe that he is the first polymath that I had come to know personally.

In 2013, I became an administrator in the super top secret group known as Volleyball Coaches and Trainers, the brainchild of Sir Brian Swenty.  John and I became administrators for this volleyball coaches’ group, so we got even more interaction. It is a tribute to John that even though he had a very definite philosophy, and idea of what learning and coaching should be, he rarely forced his viewpoint on anyone in the group. Even amongst the 14 administrators. John didn't say much amongst us but whatever he said whenever he said it we all listened, because he said what he meant and he meant what he said. We are all great fans of the man and his incredible work promoting, teaching, and learning about the sport that we all shared.

One of our most pleasurable traditions is that we, the administrators for VCT, would try to get together at the AVCA convention for at least one meal, so that we could all catch up. Much alcohol and much large slabs of beef were consumed. As always, John would impress us with his incredible bottomless stomach.

We, all 14 administrators, all felt connected to USA Volleyball through John’s affiliation because John was the perfect ambassador for the sport of volleyball worldwide.

Which bring me to this point in time.

John can now live his life as he sees fit. His children: Cody and Mac, both of whom I have met and have become friends with, are magnificent people, they are a tribute to John as a loving and inspired parent. I have also met his lovely wife Lilly at The USA volleyball banquet in 2019 where John received the Frier award, the highest award that is given by USA Volleyball. They are a well-matched pair. It was astounding to see the outpouring of love and respect for John during the USAV banquet, a fitting honor for the work that he's done for promoting volleyball worldwide. John has the inimitable ability to teach and learn while going from the smallest enclaves of volleyball all over the world to the largest stage for volleyball: the Olympics, without ever losing his enthusiasm, generosity, and patience.

We all expected the expression of gratitude and love shown in the VCT thread honoring John. We knew he is beloved because that is how we all felt about him.

I wish him the best of luck.  I know that he will not disappear from my life or from volleyball, partly because John is a great friend and partly because I won’t let him. He is stuck with me whether he likes it or not.

I hope to visit Bison Peak Lodge at Puma Point in the future. Enjoy John and Lilly’s space and ethos of their project. This is from a guy who thinks roughing it is a night without the remote.

Enjoy John. You deserve it.